I am a partially sighted mother who
In 1996 I gave birth to a son weighing 8lb 2oz. who we named B. He was born with
congenital cataracts. He had to have 2 operations when he was 9 and 10 weeks old
to make his eyes better. This time was a very worrying time for me because I was
worried that he would develop Glaucoma, this is a condition of the eye which can
occur secondary as a result of a cataract operation or can be hereditary.
When B had both of his eyes done the doctors recommended that he had contact
lenses to replace the lens in the eye that had been removed this was so the
brain could learn B to see. It was all most as good as having a new lens implant
put in his eye. B could not have an implant in his eye because he was a baby and
his eyes were still growing so he had to have his contact lenses adjusted to his
growing needs. Inserting contact lenses into B’s eyes was a major worry for me
because I could not see to do it so therefore I had to have help from the
district nurses. They would arrive in the morning to put them in and another
team would arrive in the evening to take them out before B went to bed. The
district nurses in this area were very helpful they stuck at it even when B got
distressed they would keep trying. If he got too distressed they would leave it
but having these contact lenses in was B’s only chance of gaining near normal
eyesight. I felt absolutely helpless when B got distressed about having his
contact lenses in and I felt guilty about lumbering an innocent child with this
‘eye problem’.
About 3 months after B was born I split up with his Dad. B’s dad and I were
having problems at this particular time B’s dad was always extremely tired. At
the time I did not know what was wrong I just thought he did not really want to
change the nappies! We argued a lot about the baby I was tired due to night
feeds and he was tired when he came in from work. Three months after B was born
his dad moved back in with his parents and I stopped with B at the house.
When B was about 4 months old I took him to back to the college for the visually
impaired which I studied at to visit a friend who was still there. While
visiting my friend I met a lad there called Mr S we went out a couple of times,
and he spent the weekend with me at my home. He was really peculiar he would
come up for the weekend and say that he was going to stay with me for the whole
weekend but as soon as his mobile phone went off he would make an excuse that he
had to rush off and he would be out of the door like a bat out of hell.
A month later I found out that I was pregnant I told Mr S that I was pregnant.
He seemed to take it as if it was a normal occurrence in life as if he was used
to getting someone pregnant everyday he telephoned me a few times and I went to
visit him at college twice before the summer holidays.
In 1997 I moved back to my home town when B was 7 months old. The district
nurses seemed less helpful and they inserted B’s contact lenses in grudgingly.
The summer holidays came and went I only saw Mr S twice during that time. There
was some trouble during the summer of 1997. I had some contractions and the lady
next door heard me yelling in pain, she called for an ambulance to get me to
hospital. I was taken to hospital and my mum and the neighbour looked after B
for me. While in hospital my mum telephoned Mr S to tell him that he was in
hospital but Mr S did not want to know, my mum told him about me and the baby
but he hung the phone up on her.
After that I only saw him for one more time that was the day of Princess Diana’s
death. I fell down the stairs and he went back home and I never seen him since!
I phoned my mum to tell her about falling down the stairs and she asked me where
Mr S was and I was crying on the phone and I told her that he went back home.
Since the fall down the stairs things went on a downward spiral I developed a
condition called Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction. This condition is when my bones in
my pubic area and pelvis get too soft and they move. As the pregnancy progressed
the condition worsened due to the baby weighing down on my pelvis. This resulted
in me looking after a toddler and being on crutches. In October 1997 I told my
health visitor that I was in pain and needed help with B until I had, had the
baby and my pelvis got better. My Health visitor telephoned Social Services.
This was the first contact I had with Social Services. Then the trouble started.
There was one day when I had to put B to bed and due to the pain in my pelvis I
lost my balance and dropped him in the cot the district nurses went to social
services accusing me of dropping B in his cot from a great height when in fact I
had lost my balance and fell over with him due to severe pain. I could also not
take extra strong pain killers due to being pregnant. Social Services got in
touch with an organisation called Families First and a Lady called Mrs L was
sent in to help me. Mrs L was a very nice lady she was very helpful. Families
First was an organisation which is very similar to Home Start when a volunteer
comes in to your home for 2 hours to give you help, support and someone to talk
to. Mrs L done a lot for me she knew that I was in pain with my pelvis so she
took me shopping in her car after all I still had B to look after and feed! I
asked Mrs L if she was allowed to take me shopping and she said that she was.
In November 1997 things went from bad to worse I was staying at my parents’
house because I could not get up the stairs in my own house and my parents had
an en suite bathroom downstairs and I was in excruciating pain with my pelvis I
was virtually crippled I could not sleep and I had an argument with my mum! My
mum phoned the midwife and the midwife found me a bed in hospital. Mum and dad
looked after B they had a spare cot at the house so he slept in that.
In hospital I got very bored and depressed I went in 2 days after B’s 1st
Birthday. I would only see B for about 2 hours in the afternoon. I was not in
any trouble or under any rules from social services at this time my mum had to
go home and get my dad and B’s tea. Dad is totally blind and mum is his carer.
In November it gets dark early and social services sent a taxi for my mum to
take her to see me with B everyday. I was in hospital for 2 weeks. I only had
mum and B as visitors so the evenings were lonely.
I got discharged from hospital and I was glad to see the outside world again.
All the Christmas trees and lights were up in the shops and the town but I still
felt very depressed. I was in excruciating pain with my pelvis. I came out of
hospital in the same condition that I went in! All I could do was wait for
labour to start.
Finally I went into labour much to my relief! It all happened so quick I nearly
had the baby at home. I called my mum who came to hospital with me. Dad was at
my house he had to sleep there because B was fast asleep in his cot. I gave
birth to Baby M at the end of 1997 the paediatrician checked him over because he
was slightly early.
I let Baby M’s father know that I had, given birth to a baby boy and I asked him
to come and see the baby. He made an excuse saying that the trains were not
running right so I said OK and left it at that. The paediatrician came around to
do his ward duty and he looked at Baby M’s eyes and he told me that Baby M had
got congenital cataracts the same thing that B was born with. I called Mr S back
to tell him about Baby M’s eyes and the response I got was shocking. Mr S
casually told me that he was engaged to someone else. I was extremely upset. I
had given birth about 12 hours prior to this conversation. How dare he treat me
and this innocent baby in this way it was his first child. I was crying in
hospital all night and I was comforted by a very nice midwife. She took Baby M
to the nursery to try and let me have some sleep but I was too upset to sleep.
I was discharged from hospital with baby M and given the all clear from the
paediatrician after being in hospital for TEN days with him. I was in hospital
for 10 days because of my medical condition with my pelvis but Baby M was
‘checked’ as well.
When I got home with Baby M he was constantly crying and I struggled to feed him
(he would not feed.) I developed mastitis (inflammation of the breast). Baby M’s
father strained himself to phone me a few times but it all ways ended up in a
row because Baby M was crying and I was upset. I would end up screaming down the
phone at him calling all sorts of unpleasant names. An interfering neighbour
called social services in because she thought that I was shouting at the baby
(Baby M’s father had the same Christian name as the baby) when I actually wasn’t
I was angry with his dad!
Due to my mastitis I had to stop breastfeeding because it was too painful. I was
put on antibiotics to cure the mastitis. At the same time as all this was going
on the district nurses were coming in and putting B’s contact lenses in and
taking them out. On the day I had mastitis my GP and a home help who was brought
in after the birth to help me with the cleaning came out to my home. The home
help ASKED ME if I wanted her to clean for me or should she make alternative
arrangements to come back when I was better. I said to her politely ‘please can
you come back when I am feeling better’ so she agreed to that and went and let
me sleep. Mum was downstairs with a support worker who was also brought in to
help me after the birth so the home help had no concerns about being left alone
because I had Mum and another support worker there to help me with B. An hour
after the home help went there was a banging at my front door. It was J the
district nurse he came to my house demanding why I had sent the home help home.
He came into my bedroom while I was in bed and in a nightdress and I shouted at
him and asked him to get out of my house and mind his own business. He had no
business at my house that time of the day because B’s lenses were in and it was
about 12 noon therefore it was not time for him to have them out.
I did not feel comfortable at all with this male nurse. He was called J. There
was one particular day when I wanted to discuss breastfeeding with my midwife
and this J fellow wanted to eavesdrop in on the conversation and watch me feed
Baby M. This made me feel extremely uneasy I asked him to leave he had completed
his task and put B’s lenses in so there was no need for him to be there. He had
a habit of ‘hanging around’ after he had done his job.
Baby M was about 2-3 weeks old at this time he was still screaming his head off.
I had not had a minute’s sleep since I got him home from hospital. After having
mastitis I put him on to the bottle but he still would not feed. I had more
problems in store for me because Baby M was not taking his feeds the health
visitor got concerned about his weight. Baby M was not putting on the weight he
should have been. I told the health visitor that Baby M was difficult to feed
and I asked her to look at him. The health visitor stripped him naked and told
me that the child had got indigestion or colic.
I was told to buy him some colic drops from the chemist. Mum and I hot footed it
down to our local pharmacist and we got the baby some colic drops. The colic
drops did not work. I telephoned the emergency doctor because baby M was still
crying but he gave an OVER-THE-PHONE diagnosis of colic. A baby less than 1
month old was screaming his head off and the doctor did not even come out to
look at him! I was driven to distraction because Baby M was constantly crying I
did not know what was wrong with him.
The district nurses were coming in to do B’s contact lenses and I asked THEM to
also look at him they even said that he had colic. Mum said to me that there was
something wrong with him but she did not know what neither of us knew what was
wrong with him. This carried on for 6 whole weeks I was aggressive and irritable
with people even mum but mum was just as frustrated as I was.
I wanted Baby M to shut up and stop crying I got to a stage where I wanted the
crying to go away. I felt lonely and isolated. I felt that I was going mad.
On one particular Friday I had literally had enough I telephoned social services
for help I got through to the EDT because the social services’ offices were
closed. The Emergency Duty Team sent a taxi to my mum’s house for my mum to
spend the night with me. Mum came she immediately told me to call the doctor so
I did. I was very lucky the doctor who was on duty came out to see my son. The
next minute there is an ambulance outside my front door and baby M had to be
rushed to hospital with a hernia in his groin he was in agony. My baby had been
in pain for SIX WHOLE WEEKS and I had all these ‘professionals’ coming in and
nobody spotted it. Two doctors even made diagnosis over the phone of colic
without looking at him poor Baby M! I felt that the professionals who were
coming in were looking for things that were not there i.e. signs of abuse,
bruising etc. There was no abuse going on and no bruising on my son he was
poorly. How could the paediatricians at the hospital miss such a thing! They had
his nappy off to do his checks. A doctor at the hospital told me that Baby M was
going to have his operation to repair the hernia on Wednesday morning (he was
taken in on a Friday night) .
My emotions immediately changed. I went from wanting to throttle him to being
relieved that there was something wrong with him. I was relieved that there was
something wrong with him because I could get the child treated and that I wasn’t
a ‘neurotic mother’ which is how I was made to feel by previous doctors. Little
did I know that there were more problems in store for me? I got Baby M to
hospital and it was confirmed that he had got a hernia in his groin I was told
that Baby M was BORN with it. The day of the operation came and a doctor came to
see me. I was told that Baby M was to be sent home. I was furious I had a row
with the hospital staff for sending my son home in pain and I demanded to know
why my son was being sent home in such a state.
I was told by the doctor that the district nurse had telephoned the children’s
ward at the hospital telling them not to perform the operation because Baby M
was having an operation on his eyes in a fortnight’s time. I was back to square
one at home with Baby M screaming in pain and having to rely on infant pain
relief to relieve him.
My physical and mental health took a downward spiral I was too tired to meet my
children’s needs and I felt very depressed. I had very bad headaches due to lack
of sleep, I could barely eat due to the worry and the tiredness. I could not
bond with baby M as I did not know why he was crying. At this point in my life I
was a single mother with 2 babies. I was convinced that people were out to get
me and that Baby M had been sent from hell to punish me. Nightmares set in and
made things worse. I had dreams that things were attacking me and that these
things were going to take B and leave me with Baby M constantly crying. I never
told anyone about the nightmares because I did not know who to trust and I
thought that they would think that I was mad! By this time I had already
convinced myself that I was a bad mother. I also had physical pain such as very
strong migraine headaches which made me light sensitive. To make matters even
worse I developed a phobia of the dark. I wanted to know that there was some
sort of light coming in from somewhere so I would leave the curtains slightly
open to let it in. Night went on forever at this point in my life. All I wanted
was to see daylight.
I could not leave the light on because I had Baby M in my room and the only way
I could get Baby M to settle was to have him in bed with me. I still did not
sleep because I knew he was there and if I slept I could have rolled on to him.
Also I was frightened of getting nightmares.
The only time I got a ‘snap’ of sleep was when my mum and the support worker
came to sit with the children. My mum ordered me to go to bed. Mum could only be
there for about 3 hours in the afternoon because she had to take Dad to the bus
stop to go to work in the mornings and she had to do her own things such as pay
her bills, clean her house etc. Mum would get there at about 1 and go home about
4 and sit with the children while I went to bed. Mum was furious that Baby M was
sent out of hospital in the state that he went in she thought that they were
going to make him better.
The next day world war 3 broke out the district nurse came to put the lenses in
B’s eyes. I screamed at him I said ‘who the bloody hell do you think you are
phoning that hospital telling them not to operate on my son’? He told me that he
did not want Baby M having too much anaesthetic in such a short space of time. I
replied that ‘Baby M was in pain and none of us were getting any sleep thanks to
you!’
I was angry with him. Due to me having a go at him he phoned my social worker to
say that I was aggressive my social worker came out to see me and I explained
that I was tired and that Baby M was sent home from hospital poorly and that J
had phoned the hospital to stop Baby M’s operation. The social worker arranged
childminding for my son B to give me a little break. I found it really helpful.
The day came when Baby M had to go in to hospital. My emotions were very ‘mixed
up’ I had feelings of relief that Baby M was going to be treated and I had
feelings of anxiety about all of his operations. Baby M had his first eye
operation and his hernia repaired at the same time so he had a surgeon at ‘each
end’. When Baby M came out of theatre he was hooked up to various tubes. I did
not want to touch him because I did not want to displace the tubes. The nurses
expected me to feed and change him.
I did not feel confident about doing this while Baby M was hooked up to the
tubes. I explained to them that I was partially sighted and I could not see what
I was doing with the tubes so they done it grudgingly. I felt that they did not
want to help. I felt that no ‘professional’ wanted to help. Baby M was kept in
hospital for 2 days then he was discharged after having his first eye operation
and his hernia done. A week later I had to take Baby M back in to hospital to
have his second eye operation he was only in for one day.
The workload for the district nurses increased it went from putting one set of
contact lenses in to B’s eyes to putting eye drops and contact lenses in to Baby
M’s eyes. Baby M had to have antibiotic eye drops in to stop infection after his
operation. At this point in time the nurses were coming in 4 times a day to put
in Baby M’s eye drops. This was a huge struggle for me because I was a single
mum and I had to get shopping in to feed the children. I would have the nurses
come to do the eyes at the beginning of the day I would then have to get dressed
because due to lack of sleep (Baby M was sore after his operations) I would be
in a nightdress and dressing gown at 8.30-9am when they arrived so after they
came I got dressed, got the kids dressed and I would take them into town in the
double buggy to get the shopping.
I had to walk into town because there was no bus that could accommodate a double
buggy from the area that I was living in and by the time I got to a bus stop I
was in town anyway. I had to put all the shopping on the handle and tray of the
buggy so it was a nightmare to push it back home again and by the time I had
done all that it was time for the nurses to come back to do Baby M’s second dose
of eye drops .
Two weeks later Baby M was put on contact lenses, he would not accept them he
screamed the place down when they were in so I was back to square one again with
Baby M screaming all day. Once the lenses were removed Baby M settled nicely
because his hernia was repaired so that was not bothering him anymore so I was
starting to get a sleep pattern again.
The next day it would all start again Baby M would have his drops and lenses in
and would be screaming the place down. Baby M had his follow up checks at the
hospital and they told me to stick with the lenses.
Then on one particular follow up appointment in June 1998 I got the news that I
had most being dreading. Baby M had had an examination under anaesthetic and I
was given the news that the pressure was high in Baby M’s left eye. This is the
very thing I feared most – Glaucoma thoughts were flashing through my mind. I
lost my right eye to glaucoma will the same happen to Baby M? Baby M was put on
eye drops to get the pressure down they worked for a short period but I was in
for more problems.
In July 1998 Baby M was poorly again he was crying and this crying sounded very
strange. I called my health visitor out she was concerned because Baby M’s
temperature was very high and he was not feeding again.
The GP was called out. Before I knew it there was an ambulance outside my front
door again. My GP thought that Baby M had contracted meningitis. I panicked I
was terrified. I went to hospital with Baby M where they done various tests on
him. Much to my relief Baby M was diagnosed with a viral infection and had to be
kept in hospital over night. He was discharged the next day. Nothing could be
done for a viral infection it had to take its course and go on its own. I kept
Baby M in warm clothes because he had a temperature and I thought he would be
cold. The health visitor told me to take a layer off because she did not want
Baby M over heated.
B was getting on well he was walking and he was in to everything but due to Baby
M being so ill I felt that I was not giving him the attention that I should have
been. I was in and out of hospital with Baby M. I informed Baby M’s father Mr S
of Baby M’s meningitis scare but he did not come to the hospital. He did not
seem to want to know about Baby M at all. He made excuses as to why he could not
come to hospital he used public transport as an excuse but it was running all
right.
One day in August 1998 Baby M had, had his contact lenses in and he was
screaming the house down so I called my health visitor she came out to have a
look at him, he would not feed so I got worried because initially there were
concerns about his weight but that was before his hernia was diagnosed. Baby M
would not eat so the health visitor got on to my GP who advised that Baby M
should go into hospital. Mum came to look after B while I was carted off in an
ambulance yet again with Baby M.
When we got to the hospital I told the staff at the hospital that I felt it was
Baby M’s contact lenses so they examined him and found nothing physically wrong
with him. They then called for the ophthalmologist to look at Baby M’s eyes. The
ophthalmologist checked Baby M’s eyes and they were inflamed! He said that the
lenses had to be removed right away. That was a game! It took 1 optician, 2
ophthalmic nurses and 1 doctor to get the lenses out of Baby M’s eyes. I felt SO
helpless I got very upset my emotional health was not good any way. It was
terrible seeing all that. They kept Baby M in to make sure he would settle and
they discharged him once he had been fed.
After this last admission to hospital things with Baby M started to settle down
however both boys had to go to hospital to have their eyes tested and checked. B
was getting on extremely well with his contact lenses but there were more
problems in store for me with Baby M.
Baby M would not co operate with having his eye pressure tested in the hospital
outpatients department so this resulted in baby M being admitted to hospital for
the day to have his eyes examined under anaesthetic. On 1 particular occasion
when Baby M was admitted to hospital more problems were discovered. The drops
that were used to reduce Baby M’s eye pressure were not working so the doctor
told me that next time he was in hospital he had to have surgery to his eye to
reduce the pressure. The surgery was called a trabeculectomy. A trabeculectomy
is when a small incision is made at the back of Baby M’s eye to reduce the
pressure. The aim of this surgery is for the excess fluid in Baby M’s eye to
drain through the hole to reduce the pressure. Baby M also had to be kept on eye
drops to keep the pressure down.
The nurses’ workload was increased again because Baby M had to have his contact
lenses in and his eye drops. This did not work but no one would listen to me.
Baby M would constantly scream when his lenses were in. I got advice from the
eye department at Birmingham children’s hospital who told me to keep baby M’s
lenses out when his eyes were inflamed but I was still told to persevere with
the lenses.
One evening the nurses came to remove the lenses from the boys’ eyes as usual. I
did not expect for one minute what was going to happen next. B had had his
contact lenses in as usual and as far as I knew everything was all right during
the day. Towards the evening B started to scream so I asked the nurses what was
wrong with him. They had told me that a contact lens had rolled up right under
B’s eyelid and that the lens had folded up in his eyelid and was sticking in to
his eyeball. I went cold with terror the thought of this made me shiver. I asked
them how they would get it out so they phoned through to my GP’s surgery and
guess what? Another ambulance! An ambulance was sent to take B and me to
hospital where he had to have the lens removed with a pair of tweezers!
To add insult to injury we have got an accident and emergency unit 3 miles away
but there are no eye doctors on at night so B and me had to be carted 14 miles
to another hospital in the ambulance! I was cold with fright and terror at the
thought of tweezers in a toddler’s eye! B was screaming. Again I felt helpless.
B was allowed home when the lens was removed but I was in for a stormy night. B
would wake up screaming every 2 hours and I slept in his room with him because I
felt that he was frightened due to what had happened to him.
I started to refuse to let my boys have these lenses in and asked if they could
have glasses instead of the contact lenses. The children were given glasses but
they only had to wear them if their eyes were inflamed from having the contact
lenses in. They were proving to be more trouble than what they were worth
because baby M was always distressed with them in and they were inflaming his
eye.
One day in August 1998 B had had his contact lenses in as normal and as usual he
struggled and wriggled when the nurses were putting them in and taking them out.
This resulted in B having finger tip bruising around his eyes. The Friday of
that week I had the police Child Protection Team around my house asking me
questions about the bruises around B’s eyes. I was taken to the police station
and questioned like a common criminal. I explained to them that B had to have
treatment to his eyes which involved putting contact lenses in and taking them
out and I said in no uncertain terms that this is a ‘hard world’ and if it takes
a few bruises to get B to have the nearly normal eyesight that he deserves then
it is tough. A child protection case conference was convened but I put my foot
down I said that B had to have his treatment for his eyes whether you lot like
it or not and if it takes a few bruises to make sure he does not have the life
that I had then so be it. Being partially sighted is not easy and if I can
nearly spare my son this disability then that is what I have to do! B or Baby M
was not placed on the Child Protection Register. Social services are one
‘screwed up’ agency. They are all ways out to accuse before they get their facts
right.
The day after that ‘joke’ of a case conference was another very stressful day. I
had to go into hospital to have the cataract moved from my left eye. I felt
extremely anxious and worried because I had lost my right eye to Glaucoma and
this eye was the only I that I had left that I could see out of. Irrational
thoughts were going through my mind such as ‘what would happen to the children
if the operation went wrong and I went blind?’ My mum was at the hospital with
me and the 2 support workers Mrs L and Mrs H were looking after the children.
Mrs L and Mrs H were very nice people and I got to trust them. I knew that the
children were in safe hands so I had to concentrate on getting that eye sorted
out. I had my operation and it was successful. I gained extra eyesight. I was
very lucky and did not develop Glaucoma in that eye. I was told not to lift or
bend for 6 weeks after having my eye done so I had my mum and the support
workers coming in to help me.
B’s father also came in to help but it was a struggle for him because he lived
miles away from me and it was financially difficult for him to get to see me
every week.
In October 1998 I got a letter from Mr S’s (Baby M’s father) solicitor telling
me that he wanted ‘telephone’ contact with baby M, (talk on the phone to a 1
year old!) I got a solicitor to write back telling him to leave me alone. He was
informed of all the hospital admissions for Baby M but he made feeble excuses
not to go so I told my solicitor to tell him to leave me alone for once and for
all.
In November 1998 I met Mr B who is now my husband. Things had settled down a lot
with Baby M by this time. Baby M had to keep having examinations under
anaesthetic on his eye every 6 weeks. This annoyed me because Baby M was having
anaesthetic every month and a half a question I would like to ask is ‘why was
Baby M’s hernia operation stopped?’ That nurse said that he did not want Baby M
to have too much anaesthetic but what was he having every 6 weeks for his eyes?
- Moon dust?
B started to go to a day nursery just after his 2nd birthday.
In March 1999 I had more problems in store for me. I was getting B’s lunch ready
for him just before he went to nursery in the afternoon and I was in the kitchen
serving it up. All of a sudden I heard a scream. I found B on the living room
floor behind a chair. I picked him up and his leg was all floppy so I panicked
and called my mum and the doctor. My mum came down to look after Baby M and the
doctor sent for an ambulance to get B to hospital. Mr B was at work at this
time. B; I believe had climbed over a chair and broken a bone in his leg he was
2 years and 3 months old at the time. I was always getting B off chairs and
telling him not to climb I would actually pick him up and take him off things if
he was climbing. B’s climbing all ways worried me because he was born with the
cataracts and I was not sure how much he could see. I did have an idea that he
could see better than Baby M but I still was not sure. I was panicking at this
time I was pregnant and due to have my scan the following week.
While B was in hospital I went for the appointment for my scan. It was a routine
scan to see how far along in the pregnancy I was. I got to the scan and there
was a huge shock in store for me. The scan revealed that there was not a baby
and that I was carrying an amniotic sac I was terrified I did not know what was
going to happen next! The doctor came into confirm what the person doing the
scan had told me. I was told that I had to go to the gynaecology ward to have
the sac removed.
B was in the children’s ward in traction for his leg and I was in the
gynaecology ward upstairs. All I could hear was the babies crying because the
Maternity unit was next door. That night I had an operation to remove the sac
and I had to stay in hospital over night. Mr B (who was my partner at the time)
was waiting for me to come out of theatre. He took the ‘miscarriage’ very badly.
Baby M was at home with my mum looking after him. I was released from hospital
the next day.
A week later I went upstairs to have a hot bath because I had period type pains
in my stomach. A hot bath usually eases my period pain. I had had about 2 baths
since I had the miscarriage but on this particular day going for a bath brought
me more trauma. I got in the bath and had a good long soak and after about half
an hour it was time for me to get out. I got out of the bath and I had a
terrible pain in my stomach. It felt like mild contractions but stronger than an
average period pain. All of a sudden I got an urge to push so I pushed and to my
shock a huge blood clot which was approximately the size of my hand came out of
me and landed on the bathroom floor. I screamed with panic. Mr B came up to see
what was wrong with me. He then called the doctor and I had to be rushed into
hospital. I was in pain in the car and I was convinced that another baby had
landed on my bathroom floor. I thought that they had made a mistake at the scan
and I had lost a twin or something and to make matters worse it would have been
the right size because I was 3 months ‘pregnant’. At the hospital we told them
what had happened and they done another scan but there was nothing there.
They did however say that there were still some of the remaining products of
conception left and that is what had come away due to me having a hot bath. They
were supposed to have removed all that the previous week. I had an injection in
my bottom to stop the bleeding and I was sent home the next morning. I had to
rest for a few weeks due to what had happened.
Mr B felt that a doctor at the surgery was to blame for contributing towards me
having a miscarriage because she had prescribed me some antibiotics for an ear
and throat infection. Without first checking my medical notes and seeing that I
was pregnant.
Around this time a neighbour was victimising the family for months. He kept
calling the environmental health department complaining of noise nuisance when
all it was, was everyday living noise such as talking the kids shouting and
banging about and taps going on and off and toilets flushing etc. This neighbour
kept playing loud music at night so we had reported him. The music used to wake
up our children. This neighbour was a taxi driver and sometimes worked nights.
Our children were playing in our own garden on one afternoon this neighbour had
opened his bedroom window and started shouting abuse at our children to be
quiet. If B was in the garden he would scuttle into the house like a timid
little rabbit and say ‘mummy nasty man is out I want to come in’ this was not a
life I wanted for my children.
Two weeks later Mr B had asked permission from the housing department if it was
all right to cut back an ivy plant which was overgrowing over the top of our
fence from this neighbour’s garden stopping access to our alley way which led
into our back garden. He was told by the housing department that he was allowed
to cut the plant back as it was on our side of the property but he was told that
he had to bag up the cuttings and offer them back to the neighbour in case he
wanted to replant them on his side of the property which is what Mr B did. Mr B
was verbally abused and assaulted by this neighbour and I had to call the
police.
This man was trying to push his way into the house and a fight broke out between
Mr B and this neighbour. Luckily the children were upstairs in their room they
would have been terrified in fact B and Baby M were frightened of this neighbour
Mr B was assaulted a second time by this neighbour in June 2000 when this
neighbour came home drunk and went into his house and started shouting abuse at
our children from his back door. He then went out to the front of the property
where Mr B was working on his car and threatened to assault him if he did not
take our children into the house and keep them quiet. This neighbour kept
complaining to the environmental health about our children playing in their own
garden being noisy (we are talking about 2 and 3 year old children here) because
he could not get any sleep in the day after working nights.
One day in June 1999 B had bruising to his forehead and we were FALSELY accused
of inflicting it. B had told us and my mum HIMSELF that while he was at nursery
he had fallen over bumping his head. I was asked to sign the accident book at
the nursery and was led to believe that I had signed it to say that the accident
and how he had got the bruise had happened at the nursery school. The facts were
then ‘twisted’ to say that I was signing the accident book to say that he got
the bruise at home. You do not sign the accident book at a place of work if you
fall down the stairs at home do you? Social services came out with a GP and the
health visitor from the doctor’s surgery because the nursery had told them that
the accident had happened at home. There was no accident at home not that I was
aware of. The GP was the very doctor who Mr B blamed for my miscarriage. Mr B
had a go at this doctor over the miscarriage because he was very upset. I was
getting fed up with it all there was always some sort of victimisation if it was
not from social services it was from that neighbour. There was always someone
attacking me somewhere. I just wanted to be left alone.
In July 2000 I married Mr B.
In August 2000 just before I went on honeymoon I found out that I was pregnant.
The honeymoon was even a disaster. We went to Disneyland in Paris but we had to
stay at a hotel. The food at the hotel was vile and none of the waitresses could
barely speak English, the ones that did speak English ignored us, I was
constantly being sick because I was pregnant and I could not hold down the food
that I could struggle to eat. We went around the theme park at Disneyland the
kids loved it. On the Tuesday night there was a parade of electric lights and a
firework display so we decided to stay at the park and watch it. The kids
enjoyed it but they got very tired. It came to the time when we had to go back
to the hotel. We got back to the hotel and we found that we could not get the
door to unlock. We were stood outside the hotel with 2 visually impaired
children after midnight. I panicked our stuff was in there and the kids medical
stuff was in there. We kept banging at the door and luckily someone let us in.
The next day we went to the park again and the kids had a lovely time. We went
back to the hotel for tea but we were ignored by the waiting staff. Mr B decided
that we had had enough so we packed our bags and went. We got to the ferry port
and little did we know that there was going to be more problems in store for us.
We could not get home because there was a blockade at the ferry port due to the
petrol price protest. I got ill and was taken to a most vile hospital it looked
like Auschwitz it was awful. I was in this ‘hospital’ for about 2 hours being
examined by someone who does not speak English the whole experience was
traumatic. We only got home because while at the ferry port a French film crew
had turned up to film the blockade they had filmed me being sick and B crying
saying he wanted to go home, when returning to the ferry port from the hospital
the film crew had arranged for us a special ticket the get us on the train to
get us home from France.
In 2001 C was born weighing a healthy 8lb 11oz her eyes and everything was fine.
When C was 3 weeks old we moved to a new house, I was glad to get away from the
house we were in because of that drunken neighbour at our old house. There were
yet more problems in store for me. The health visitor was whingeing about C’s
weight we were feeding C correctly she would put on weight then lose it straight
away.
She was taken to hospital to be observed, monitored and weighed, it was found
that she had gained weight just under a pound difference to what the health
visitors scales were saying on the health visitor’s scales she was 8lb 13oz and
at hospital she was 9lb 3oz. While she was in hospital we had left her in the
care of the hospital staff for a period of 3 to 4 hours while tests were being
carried out on her. We returned to the ward to find C had not been fed and had
been in a soiled nappy for god knows how long. The cot sheets were wet from
where it had soaked through the nappy. We were annoyed that she had not been
cared for properly on the ward and when we were told that she had gained weight
so we discharged her from the hospital.
It should be noted that Mr B as a child had also failed to thrive up until the
age of two years old. This suggests that there is a genetic problem linked to C
and her father over gaining weight. Mr B gave permission for his medical notes
to be viewed to confirm this but this was never looked into by social services
or the medical staff.
I started to have peculiar dreams again. I dreamt that things with big teeth
were coming to attack me and when I was asleep I had these dreams a lot. I also
had a dream that I was running along a beach being chased by a large pack of
dogs with big teeth. These dreams occurred after C’s birth. Things got worse C
kept gaining weight and losing it. I thought that the health visitor was
attacking me so therefore I would shout at her. I felt that everyone was
attacking and saying that I was not feeding her. I was feeding her she was on
between 6 and 8 bottles of milk a day.
When C was 6 weeks old things came to a head. I got upset about Mr B signing for
B to go on a trip with his nursery this trip involved water and I had this fear
that B was going to drown (I have not told anyone about this) I never told
anyone about how I really felt because I was convinced that I would get locked
up. I also had nightmares that I would go to jail! I screamed at Mr B for
signing this form. He phoned social services asking for help, which resulted in
me screaming at him more. I couldn’t cope I felt so isolated I could not talk to
any one about the nightmares or my fears for B on the trip things were attacking
me from every angle I could not cope with it all. I wanted it all to end. C was
6 weeks old so she wouldn’t have understood what was happening to me. I did not
know what was happening I was scared and isolated.
In June 2001 Mr B had asked for help from social services because he was
concerned about my mood changes and my crying spells. I was crying for no
particular reason. C at this time was only 2 months old. One day I had been
aggressive towards Mr B over something, being very moody and getting easily
upset. Mr B was concerned that I was ill in some way maybe depressed?
From the beginning of July 2001 up until the end of September 2001 I was
menstruating every two weeks. I was emotionally and physically drained and my
mood kept changing. I told my health visitor about the fortnightly periods and
she said that my hormones were all over the place after having C.
In July 2001 we had a new social worker called Ms S. It was arranged for me to
see a community psychiatric nurse from the mental health team which I had agreed
to. A lady called Ms W had contacted me to say she was coming to see me and
asked me if it was all right to bring a colleague along called P. I took P to be
a woman as I was meant to be discussing women’s issues with Ms W. When Ms W
attended with this P it turned out to be a male nurse whom bought back memories
of the experiences I had with J. I froze and panicked and believe I went
hysterical refusing to let P in to my home only allowing Ms W to come in but Ms
W declined at that time but did make a new appointment at a later date with my
husband Mr B when he explained why I would not let P in. Ms W did return with a
female colleague and the appointment went well. I did tell her about the
nightmares but she said it was postnatal depression.
There was 1 particular incident in August 2001 when I went to the shops and let
Mr B cook the dinner. Mr B put salt in the Potatoes I did not want salt in the
potatoes for some reason. I was accused of throwing water directly over Mr B. I
did not throw water directly OVER Mr B as social services state. I threw it down
the kitchen sink next to where Mr B was stood. I believe the water had splashed
up bouncing off the bottom of the sink and the pan hit the side of the draining
bored and bounced out of the sink. The water had splashed Mr B above his eye. I
felt as though I was in a daze everything was a blur. I was crying and shouting
about the salt in the vegetables. All I knew was that everyone and everything
was attacking me at this point in my life. Headaches started to set in. I wanted
these attacks on me to stop I just wanted to be left alone.
We had been taking C to hospital during the summer period of 2001 every week to
be weighed and it was found after numerous tests that there was nothing wrong
with her. Originally she was SMA gold baby milk but that was making her sick so
with professional advice from our Health Visitor she was put on to SMA wysoy a
Soya formula milk and she started to maintain and slowly gain weight. Also in
October 2001 I was accused by social worker Ms S of not feeding C. We had
assured her that we were feeding C and we explained that the scales at the
hospital were giving out different readings to the scales that belonged to the
health visitor. At hospital C would always be a pound heavier than what she was
on the health visitor’s scales. I would also like to stress that Mr B also had
the problem of failing to thrive as a child which can be confirmed from his
medical records. We were trying to point this out to Ms S but she would not
listen. The conversation was starting to get heated so we asked her to leave.
She would not leave after 3 requests so I picked up her handbag which was on the
floor by her feet, walked to the front door with it to place the handbag on the
front door step outside the house knowing fare well she would have to leave the
property to retrieve it.
Ms S’s reaction was to try and snatch the handbag back off me with her having a
tug-of-war over her handbag with me. She did this knowing full well I am
registered blind and that my two eldest boys are also visually impaired and was
playing in the living room along with C who was playing on the floor. Ms S
almost pushed me over trying to snatch her handbag back.
Mr B called out a warning that C was on the floor he could not get to C to
remove her due to him trying to usher to the eldest boys out of the way, and him
being down the far end of the room away from where C was and Ms S’s colleague
another social worker also being in the way. My only intention was to place Ms S
handbag outside the front door of the property so she would leave after having
failing to do so when requested. The law states that you can use reasonable
force to remove someone from your property,
Two days after this incident I had a period this was my last period before A was
born.
In February 2002 I started to attend appointments to see a psychologist called
Ms J. I would have a session every other Friday so the sessions were once every
2 weeks. While I was having counselling with Ms J things improved substantially
at home. Eight months after the counselling started I was discharged and a few
months after I had given birth to my son Baby A things had started up again. In
court social services were saying that I needed to change and that any changes
that I had made were not sustained. The change was not sustained because I was
discharged from counselling for too prematurely. It even says in various social
services reports that things had improved substantially at home while I was
seeing the psychologist. They made a trumped up allegation that I do not co
operate with counselling. A question I would like to see asked is ‘If I do not
co operate in counselling then how come things at home improved substantially in
the time frame that she was seeing a psychologist? Changes cannot be sustained
if the support is withdrawn can it?
In March 2002 a lady called Ms D became our new social worker. She was very
pleasant and easy to work with. Working with Ms D was a positive experience she
was easy to talk to and taken on board our concerns. Ms D always used to try her
best to help us she taken a very calm approach to everything I felt that I could
talk to her.
One day in July 2001 Mr B had been working in the back garden cutting the lawn.
The children were playing in the garden. Mr B had finished mowing the lawn and
had unplugged the lawnmower from the extension cable which was in the garden and
was going inside the house to unplug the plug which powered the extension cable.
I was in the garden sat on the bench when I heard the lawnmower restart, I knew
that Mr B had gone into the house and realised that B must have plugged it back
in and restarted up the lawnmower again, after seeing Mr B unplug it (B is very
technical minded he would see someone do something once and then copy them). I
SCREAMED with panic for B to turn it off and run up the garden and told him off.
The neighbours had heard me scream and tell B off and started hurling abuse at
me over the fence which led to an argument after I tried to explain to them what
had happened. Then they started arguing about the bumping on the wall which they
had heard coming from our house on previous nights which Mr B was trying to
calmly explain that it was Little M who is my registered blind son getting up in
the middle of the night to go to the toilet, feeling his way along the walls,
gently tapping on them to feel where his position is within his bedroom. The
term used for this is ‘squaring off’. This is taught to blind and visually
impaired people by mobility officers who work for organisations for the visually
impaired such as Guide Dogs for The Blind and local associations for the blind.
‘Squaring’ off was taught to Little M at his School by his mobility officer.
‘Squaring off’ was taught to little M because going from a dark environment to
putting a light on straight away would aggravate his eyes due to his Glaucoma.
We have NEVER hit our children the banging was little M doing this ‘squaring
off’ I even square off myself. The sound of this ‘squaring off’ we believe can
sound like someone being slapped. We think this is why the neighbours are saying
we hit our kids but we never did. From then on all we got was harassment from
them neighbours. The whole lot got me down. The neighbours children started to
take the Mickey out of B and M by calling them names and throwing footballs into
our garden and sending the lads in different directions to retrieve it, calling
them blind little Bs, etc. I got to a stage where I could not cope I just wanted
to get out. I was heavily pregnant with A at the time and did not need the extra
stress.
I gave birth to A in 2002 and I expressed a wish to breastfeed baby A straight
after he was born to the staff at the Hospital but they did not give me the
support I needed to achieve this. They went against my wishes giving A bottled
milk saying I was too big breasted and would have suffocated the baby in their
opinion, if I tried to put him to my breast. They said that the baby was unable
to ‘latch on’ properly to the breast. I found this most upsetting. Mr B was
present when I was told this by the hospital staff. Nine out of ten mothers want
to build a stronger bond with their babies from breastfeeding I feel that I was
not allowed to do this properly. This is one of the reasons why I told Dr K that
I do not like being ‘big breasted’. I was still depressed after having C when I
got home this made me worse. I was always being attacked and always being made
to feel inadequate as a mum I had, had enough of it. All I want is to be a happy
healthy mum and be left alone.
The harassment from neighbours was still ongoing from July 2001 up until the
present day when we finally moved out of there in January 2005. It had started
because the children and I were all visually impaired and they started to shout
and call us names in the street.
I had another neighbour who lived with her mother, her name was S. S had
learning difficulties so she did not have her own place. In December 2002 S’s
mum died and I started to help her with various things because she could not
cope or did not know how to do them. Mr B would go around and do small jobs for
her as well such as changing light bulbs and things like that. The children
loved S to come around and she used to play with them. The neighbours kids who
lived next door to us used to harass S as well they used to climb on her garden
and call her names etc. Since we started to help S we got harassed more off
these kids we were called things like the ‘spastic’ brigade and all that. I
started to get called names in the street even when I was taking A out in his
pram I got picked on. There was one time when I thought that these wretches were
going to throw an egg at A – again I felt I was being attacked in some way.
I or my family never got left alone. All this stress started to have an effect
on mine and my husband’s relationship. I wanted my husband to protect us from
being attacked all he did was call the police, who where un-helpful. This made
things worse I got to a stage where I did not want to go out into the street or
if I did go out I would go when those little swine’s were at school. I had
enough the relationship was going down hill I would argue with Mr B. Things got
so bad that I hit him. I could not cope with it all. I had a baby, toddler 2
visually impaired children, post natal depression and neighbour harassment to
contend with all in one go. I just ‘snapped’ I could not take anymore. I would
cry all the time I was so unhappy. I think at this point in my life that I may
have had a nervous breakdown but nobody really knows.
In March 2003 it all came to a head our children were playing in the back
garden, next door’s children were playing in their garden. Next door’s eldest
children kept kicking a football over into our garden and asking Little M to
retrieve it. Little M being blind could not see where the ball was next door’s
children kept sending him in the wrong direction and started to tease him and
calling him a ‘stupid little blind bastard’ Mr B had called our children in when
he heard all the commotion to defuse the situation. I was in the house feeding A
at this time. Our children went back outside about 10 minutes later. I had
thought that next door’s kids had gone in. Mr B was upstairs repairing a plug
socket in the back bedroom and was keeping an eye on our children from the
bedroom window. Little M had handed back a football which had been kicked over
by the neighbour’s kids when they came back out to play. Mr B heard next door’s
kids call little M names because he handed back the wrong football. Mr B was
coming downstairs to bring our children back in to the house. I was still
feeding/changing A.
While Mr B was passing the kitchen window when he saw a beer can thrown over the
top of our fence by Mr H who is the father to next door’s kids. C was heard
screaming and it was discovered that she had a small cut over her eye where this
beer can had hit her. I followed Mr B into the garden to find out what was going
on and asked what Mr H was doing throwing things into our garden at our
children. I said that he was a grown man and that he was old enough to know
better! Mr B had taken the children into the house and then called the police.
Mr H was shouting abuse and swearing and was throwing other objects into our
garden, for what was supposed to be a grown man he was very infantile. We have
suffered numerous attacks of harassment by Mr H and his family. One incident
being on the 5th August 2004 which was caught on video tape by us, the police
viewed the video and cautioned next door’s kids. A total of 16 incidents of
harassment against my family were recorded by the local police.
In June 2003 Mr B and I had an argument. We had suffered harassment the previous
night from the H family and everything was getting too much. My nerves were in a
state. I blamed Mr B for not going outside to confront the situation around the
harassment (I now see that Mr B had acted correctly by noting it down and
reporting it to the police. If Mr B had confronted this situation he may have
been attacked).
In July 2003 A VOLUNTARY working agreement was drawn up and handed for us to
sign. I was upset about how this agreement had been worded it had read that we
had been emotionally abusing our children and we have done NO SUCH THING! I had
asked for the word ‘abuse’ to be taken out and for the statement to be reworded
better before I would agree to sign it. If I am not allowed to express an
opinion without being accused of being abusive then there is a problem!
In July 2003 it was my birthday. As a birthday treat the family went to Alton
Towers for the day. Social services’ phoned my husband while we were at the
theme park. I had asked my husband what they wanted. We were stood next to a
roller coaster at the time, where other members of the public were screaming and
shouting while they were on the rides. Social services made a trumped up
allegation that it was me screaming at the children and also claiming that the
children were out of control also screaming and shouting, social services were
not even at the theme park! So how could they see what was going on. We believe
that social services had heard this screaming and shouting in the background and
had accused us in a report at a later date of having an argument, about them
phoning us and saying that our children were out of control and screaming and
shouting which they were not it was background noise of people screaming on the
rides in the theme park. They are the biggest bunch of idiots out!
In July 2003 I went to see Ms J - the psychologist. I arrived for my appointment
and found that my appointment had been cancelled by social services. They
informed Ms J that they thought I would not turn up for this appointment so take
it upon them to cancel it. I was extremely annoyed at them cancelling this
appointment because I had put off my plans for this day to attend this
appointment. Social services have no right to go cancelling people’s
appointments especially if it gets me the correct support to get me well (which
it didn’t) I had attended the appointment where Ms J and I had discussed how I
had been feeling. I believe Ms J on 25th July 2003 had telephoned social
services to say that I had attended, but I feel that Ms J has broken medical
confidentiality between doctor and patient by discussing me with social services
what I had told her in relation TO HOW I WAS FEELING. There was no emphasis on
anything to do with child protection issues while I was talking to Ms J
therefore social services had no right to know what happened in the appointment.
On a day in August 2003 I had an awful headache. A gentlemen who I chatted to on
the internet was making a nuisance of himself he kept texting, phoning me and
sending messages on the computer. All this sparked off an argument between me
and Mr B. There was harassment again from the next doors kids in the street
towards me. I was at the end of my tether and had, had enough. The row turned to
violence and I hit Mr B. I felt that everyone was attacking me I just could not
take any more my head was a mess!
In August 2003 my 2 eldest boys were placed in foster care. There were no court
orders to say that the children had to be removed in place on this date. I was
out with my mum looking for somewhere else to stay after the previous night’s
incident.
In August 2003 contact was arranged for my mum and I to see B and Little M. I
was brutally told by a social worker that Little M my son did not want to see me
which I found hard to believe. She had said in a cold callous way ‘M does not
want to see you’ she did not say why. She also said that she could not force him
to come to contact. A local authority is SUPPOSED to try and ensure that contact
between a child and parent/relatives are encouraged.
I requested contact with C and A. I had not seen them since mid August. This was
partly due to the children being in the care of Mr B. I was expecting Mr B to be
at contact and at this time I did not want to see him at this point.
In September 2003 I was asked to sign a working agreement. This agreement stated
that I was to have no contact with my husband either via text, letter, face to
face contact, telephone or e-mail. I signed this agreement because at this time
I wanted to show that I was co-operating with social services. I believe a
similar working agreement was presented to Mr B. Mr B I believe was upset about
signing this agreement as it was only 3 weeks since we had separated.
We later found out that we were legally not obliged to sign anything we did not
agree with, we feel that coercion was used. Mr B had signed it but I believe he
had made a comment on the form. Mr B and I later found out that this was a
violation of the human rights act under section 8 which is the right to respect
for private and family life. I also later found out from a solicitor that this
working agreement was not a legal document therefore we could not be held to it.
We felt we were working under extreme oppression because if we did not agree
with them we would feel that an allegation would be trumped up to say that we
were not co operating with them, and felt that they would use the most pettiest
of things against us in court for example, if I could not attend a contact due
to illness I was accused of not putting the needs of the children first and I
was accused of being narcissistic. Another example would be my husband needed to
work because he was on jobseeker’s allowance at this point he barely had money
to live on. He was told that if he worked he was putting his own needs first and
not considering the needs of the children and not sticking to the contact
arrangements. So therefore we feel that Social services are a most difficult
uncooperative and unreasonable agency to work with and they have put us under a
considerable amount of unnecessary stress. How can they expect someone to live
on jobseekers allowance! They would not admit to their own mistakes and faults
an example being Mr B had asked if his mother could attend contact with C and A
they said it was possible if he warned them that they were going to attend.
Mr B had phoned and had spoken to a member of staff at social services to be
told that they could not see any problem with Mr and Mrs B senior attending
contact, Mr B took this as permission being granted for his parents to attend
the contact but when he arrived for the contact with his mother the social
worker who was in charge swore black and blue that no permission had been
granted and belittled Mr B and his mother in front of other social services
staff. Both Mr B and his mother had confirmed that they had phoned through and
that they had got permission but could not remember the name of the person with
whom they obtained the permission from. They were virtually called liars and
accused of breaking a working agreement and they were threatened with the
contact being cancelled or stopped if Mrs B senior attended contact again
without their permission. The social worker states that she is the only one
authorised to give this permission.
October 2003 there was a ‘looked’ after meeting at the social services office. I
was not asked to leave this meeting and I was not abusive at this meeting I was
expressing my concerns about medical treatment given to the children without us
being informed.
Mr B was expressing his objection to C and A being bought into care due to
social services saying he could not come to terms with the breakdown of our
relationship, how we felt pressurised into signing the working agreement. He was
also upset at the social worker stating that his mother and his niece had been
accused of being physically and verbally abusive towards her when they had taken
C and A to the foster carer’s home to be placed in care. We seem to keep
conveniently getting called ‘abusive’ when our opinion differs to the opinions
of social services. We all have the right to an opinion without feeling
oppressed.
Also in October I was due to attend contact with C and A. I was ill with a
migraine headache. A migraine headache affects my eyes and my neck and is very
painful. When I have a very bad migraine I am sensitive to light and need to
wear dark glasses, I also feel dizzy and like collapsing when they are very bad.
I also started my period at the same time which was very heavy on this occasion.
I attended contact with C and A. The children WERE NOT wary of me I believe but
were getting used to seeing me again because I had not seen them for a period of
2 months.
November 2003 it was alleged in court Social Services that at the end of a
contact between my parents, the children and myself that we had stood in front
of a car and tried to obstruct the contact supervisor from taking the children
back to their foster carers. This is incorrect. My parents and I are all
visually impaired my dad is totally blind! We had been saying goodbye to the
children who were sat in the contact supervisor’s car ready to leave to go back
to their foster carers. We had moved out towards the front of the car to cross
the car park to get on to a pavement on the opposite side of the car park due to
the time of the year which was November it was dark by 5pm due to our visual
impairment my mum and I cannot see in the dark (dad is totally blind) as we were
going to cross we heard a car engine start we did not know which direction the
car was coming from because we could not see it at this time which resulted in
us standing still in front of the contact supervisor’s car until we had
ascertained where the car was coming from. They were trying to accuse us of
undermining the children’s foster placements by sending them home upset which we
were not doing. What were we supposed to do? Get run over and killed! We believe
that being stood in front of the supervisor’s car may have blocked him in and
stopped him from moving for about 2 minutes. We crossed over on to the path when
we though it was safe to do so. It was literally a ‘blind leading the blind’
situation and with it being 5.30pm in the evening all the social services staff
were leaving work which resulted in cars being started up and leaving the car
park from various directions.
January 2004 my dad had got upset at the end of contact he said that ‘social
services were evil and that they did ‘bugger’ all for the disabled. My mum tried
to explain to my dad that the social worker was the social worker for the
children not the disabled. My mum was trying to calm the situation down. The
children were all in the supervisor’s cars being taken home to their foster
carers 3 out of 4 children were crying after this particular contact and because
my dad could hear the children crying he got very upset. I had told my dad off
for having a go at the social worker because at this time I thought it would
have made things worse. My dad and I had an argument my dad was waving his arms
about while he was arguing (a means of him expressing himself) He did not
intentionally strike me it was done by accident while I was arguing with him to
calm down. I want to stress that if any family members show any sign of emotion
or express an opinion we are accused of being angry, abusive or aggressive.
These emotions are a natural reaction if you have had your family torn apart. If
anyone cries or gets upset we are accused of either being emotionally unstable
or not emotionally available for the children.
I have always put my children first no matter what the weird psychiatrist
suggests. She has diagnosed me with this Personality disorder using selective
information taken from social services records I believe. The weird psychiatrist
asked me loads of questions, she asked about my childhood and I told her what I
could remember. I had told her that I went to a special school for the visually
impaired and that I did not have many friends at home, all the children at this
special school while I was there were from different parts of the country so
when I was at home I was a ‘loner’. I told her about when I was growing up. In
my teens I would do my best to skive out of P.E because I would be embarrassed
about the size of my breasts and boys would tease me about this. I felt that
when the psychiatrist asked me these questions I answered them as best as I
could not realising that this information would be taken to the highest extreme
and used to diagnose me with a personality disorder. I told the weird
psychiatrist that I was brought up by visually impaired parents and as I got to
my teens I rowed with my parents (as teenagers usually do). There was sibling
rivalry between my sister and me as we were growing up. We would fight over
things such as toys clothes etc. I had also told her that I had lost 4
grandparents during the course of my life and that I had taken the death of my
Grandmother badly. I also told the weird psychiatrist about my termination of
pregnancy that I had due to illness. If I was ‘narcissistic’ I would not have
cared so much about this.
From April 2004 at the end of Mr B’s contacts Mr B and I would often bump into
each other as I would arrive to see C and A for my contact period. We would
often speak in passing and talk about how the children were doing in care. There
had been other chance meetings where we would bump into each other when I had
travelled from where I live to for contact with the children and I had stopped
overnight at my parents’ house which was around the corner from Mr B’s We did
not decide to reunite until the end of July 2004 after having many ‘chance’
meetings and have talked things over between ourselves. We had not informed
social services of this at the time because we had not fully committed ourselves
to reuniting.
July 2004 there was a ‘looked after’ review in respect of C and A where social
services told us of their plans for freeing for the adoption of C and A. My
children are maybe being adopted out and I get accused of being abusive I have
every right to express an opinion on this matter. I am fed up with being accused
of being abusive when I want to say something which varies to their views. If
these people have tens of thousands of pounds to plough into legal costs for
adoption they can plough the money into constructive support resources to help
children stay with their natural families where they BELONG!
MY PARENTS
When I was very little Mum had to take me to hospital nearly every week to get
my eyes sorted out and that must have been very stressful for her. When I was
about 2 it was found that I had Glaucoma in my right eye from the cataract
operation. Also I would like to point out that when my sister and I were small
my mum had a home help to help her clean the house.
There was a discrepancy in the weird psychiatrists report around contact with
little M and my parents. She is alleging that there will be problems around
contact if my parents had residence of little M the problems being that I will
not leave at the end of contact. I would like to point out that I do not have
problems leaving contact sessions with B so why would I have problems leaving
contact with little M and my parents?
Every week we attended contact with the children at the Social services’ contact
centre. During the summer period of 2004 the contacts were extremely positive
for the children. The children were always glad to see us. Little M got
extremely distressed when we left contact. Little M would ‘kick’ and swear at
the contact workers. Little M never kicked me, my husband or my mum and dad
November 2004 we had the court hearing on the first day of the hearing we had
that ‘quack’ giving evidence. She told the judge that I had a personality
disorder which I do not feel that I have.
We had independent social work assessments in the summer ‘we’ being my husband
and me as a couple and my mum and dad had an assessment to care for Little M. My
mum and dad’s independent assessment came back excellent. The independent social
worker said that their home was adequate and would be fine for little M. My mum
had an assessment with social services but the first time that social services
assessed her; the assessment was not completed properly so the court ordered
them to do another one. The first assessment report on my mum and dad said that
there was not enough ‘comfort’ in my parents’ home my mum did not know what they
meant so when my mum had the independent social worker come out to assess her
she asked him what they meant by not having enough ‘comfort’ in the home. The
independent social worker read their report and he did not have a clue what they
were talking about either.
Mr B and I had an independent social work assessment with C and A. The
assessment took place during contact visits at the social services place. I was
very nervous about the assessment and wanted to do my best I felt under pressure
and panicky. I felt I could not fully trust her because she was a social worker.
The assessment came back positive and said that we could care for C and A as a
couple but it was not a full parenting assessment. All that she did was witness
2 contact sessions and that was a total of spending 5 hours with us.
In November 2004 there was an experts meeting just before the court hearing I
did not fully understand what this meeting was for but at this meeting things
went wrong. The independent social worker listened to all the rubbish that these
doctors were spouting and this resulted in her back pedalling and saying that we
could not care for C and A – my judgement was right in not trusting her because
she was a social worker!.
A week before the full court hearing we had a pre hearing which we had to attend
in London because the judge was not sitting in our local area at this time. The
trip to London frightened me I had a panic attack on the tube there were people
coming at me from all directions; with my limited sight it was awful
The court hearing was very stressful I was getting nightmares about the judge
saying that I had to be hung I was terrified I also had a fear that I was going
to go to jail again I was petrified. I never told Mr B about this he would have
thought that I was a nut job or something I could not tell anyone but I was so
frightened I was petrified of going to that court. I was feeling really down and
very depressed.
One week later it was judgement day. The judge ruled for them liars, social
services he ruled that C and A had to be freed for adoption and that little M
had to stay in long term care.
I am accessing counselling now after a long battle to get it within the
community, I have had to access this myself without any help from so called
‘professionals’, social services etc. The counsellor that I am seeing has seen
the information which I am sending in this story and from the information and
previous sessions with her, she believes that the professionals appointed by
social services have misdiagnosed me with a personality disorder, my counsellor
clearly feels that I have been suffering from Puerperal Psychosis which is a
very serious form of Postnatal depression which she feels stems back from the
birth of my SECOND child and has gone unnoticed and untreated for 7 years the
counsellor feels that we have been harshly treated by social services and the
courts system.
Social services had stated in court that I would not engage in counselling in
their beliefs therefore denied us the chance to attend Cassel Hospital for an
assessment with our children . They made a pathetic excuse that it was a long
day for the children travelling down to London, but if kids can go on daytrips
why can’t they go somewhere to be assessed with their natural parents. The
purpose of going to Cassel Hospital in Surrey was so they could assess whether
we could look after the children properly and to give me a proper diagnosis as
to whether I had a personality disorder or not and to help rehabilitate the
family back together. Social services kept saying that it couldn’t be post natal
depression and other professionals were agreeing with them. My own GP is
prescribing me anti depressants and you are NOT on medication for depression if
you are not depressed! And he also believes I suffer from PMDD (Premenstrual
Dysphoric Disorder) a very severe form of PMS but this could be exaggerated by
the Puerperal Psychosis.
This information was not looked into or accepted by social services. There were
other options besides this adoption but the social services department it seemed
were that unwilling to work with the family in keeping the family together. If
tens and thousands can be spent on adoption then why can’t the money be put into
useful support resources to enable parents to care for their children and
mothers to get well again a court case is most likely to put extra stress on a
depressed mother and make a depressed mother more ill and much worse as it did
in my case. As a result I am now on anti depressants AND beta blockers!
At the last contact with my children they were crying for us to take them home.
They will be adopted and given a new identity which contradicts what social
services say which is that they have the right to know who their real birth
family is.
We feel that social services have acted incorrectly and not checked all the
facts properly which has led to 2 children being adopted on possible
inconclusive evidence.
After the final hearing we were told that we had no grounds to appeal and our
children were freed for adoption, but we decided to try and appeal ourselves as
litigants-in-person.
UPDATE
Mr B and I are still together and have moved out of that rotten area. We have a
3 bedroom house in another area.
Since the court hearing last December new evidence has been traced to prove that
the social services department committed perjury.
I am still on anti depressants I had a relapse of depression back in May, June
and July
Police records have been tracked down to confirm the harassment which we
suffered from the neighbours.
Mr B and I are taking our case to the high court in London.
Little M is still begging me to take him home. He will be 8 this Christmas.
The adoption of C and A has not yet been finalised so we hope we have got a
chance to get that freeing order off.
We went to the High court but unfortunately we didn’t get that dreadful freeing
order off. Our appeal was turned down even though we proved that the local
authority had falsified evidence in their reports, the “weird psychiatrist’s”
diagnosis of me having a narcissistic personality was thrown out and ruled as
“unsafe and that I HAD postnatal depression which was not properly treated, and
the MMPI-2 questionnaire used by the “weird psychiatrist” we showed to be
unreliable for diagnosing personality disorders. We believe the reason for the
freeing order not being removed was due to me being still on antidepressants so
I was not classed as being “fully recovered,” the children being in care for too
long. The judge also said that it would take them too long to be rehabilitated
back to life with their birth family.
The children are now adopted.
I am now taking my case to the European Court of Human Rights something has to
be done to stop the social services carrying on like this.
Freebird
