Lives ruined forever!
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| Lives ruined forever! I was married to a Barrister , who clearly began a new life with his pupil just prior to my son being born in 1994. He not only wanted rid of me but also to take my children from me just for the hell of it ! In 1999 I built up the courage to sit up into the early hours to ask him simply what were we going to do? This was after five years of him clearly living a double life, showing no interest in me or his children. He put his fist in my face and told me that I had a choice I could either put up and shut up or we would go to court and use all our money and he would leave me penniless and take the children. I was absolutely terrified , this was the first experience of the bullying that would continue for many years to come. My family had to find in excess of £25,000 to meet basic solicitors bills, that was all money that would have been there to help the children in the future. My husband had already benefitted from a great deal of money from my generous parents and this seemed to prop up his business while he set up a new life. I was so naïve believing that as I was telling the truth all would be well. Even the psychologist/Counsellor at my Doctors practice was so sure having met my husband, that any Judge would see the character type that he was. They warned me that he might use the children as pawns in his game and she warned me to get out before all was lost. They were absolutely right about that. Unfortunately he was represented free by all his friends and I was left being told that if I wanted all my points covered it would cost me more and more money. It was the most unjust and frightening situation to find oneself in. He broke the divorce court order within weeks and left the final mortgage payment to my father to pay along with numerous other household bills. Things simply got worse and worse. He then went on to mess with the maintenance payments, I was not in a financial position to do anything about this. I could not ask my family for anymore money and at this time my mother was critically ill with bone cancer and in a care home that was costing my father nearly £1,000 per week it was not the time to ask for more funding. My ex then brought applications to reduce maintenance and changing the terms of the court order in his court statement! I was unrepresented of course, no legal aid, terrifying. So lost my maintenance order. Then he brought an application to state that I was preventing access !!!! A gross lie and the children were horrified because they knew that I would never ever interfere with this. Then the nightmare really began we were invaded by Cafcass officers, several over many years! My children were devastated by this process. They could not begin to understand the behaviour of these so called professionals who ignored what they were clearly stating about their father. I would very much like to have access to all the reports made. We were particularly concerned about the activities of one cafcass officer who clearly was working with my ex husband. She even wrote an initial report and handed this into court without meeting us at all, having only spoken with my ex husband and his girlfriend. I knew then that I was in a very dangerous situation. She was extremely threatening and was clearly biased in her untruthful reporting. It was shocking and my children were completely unable to study or live a normal life, we were dominated by the lies and trickery that we were immersed in. Our normal happy secure lives were ruined. Fortunately the three of us are a strong unit but one requires enormous reserves to pull through this kind of experience and living under the threat that your children could be taken from you !!! In the end after years ! the children and I are still together but I live under a court order that could put me in prison at my ex husbands whim! I do find it very difficult indeed and it affected my business as an holistic therapist. I felt unable to feel confident about treating clients on a one to one basis in my treatment room because I felt that if the man I loved, married and had children with could drag me through the court system unchecked then anyone could bring lie based cases against me and I stopped my work. A tragedy as that was the work I loved and was good at and should have been earning me the income that I need to look after my family into the future. Without a word of a lie our lives were ruined by this man and then the involvement of the legal system. I have never known so much bullying and terrorism in a so called justice system. What can be done ? How do you begin to heal and move on? I have often wondered if we could set up a counseling system for people ruined by our justice system. This would have definitely helped us. Love and blessings Anon |
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